LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

First of all I want to say that I absolutely adore this. I just got on here for the first time with a nudge from Renee, and I can't believe it took me so long. Renee...if Bennett were any cuter I think I would just have to come take him. Becks...Congrats to you and Kellen! What a life altering time in your lives. As for the money...God will provide everything you need, but I know you know that already. Ash...you are seriously one of the most incredible people I know. I love that your entire life is centered upon your next mission field. As for the club...that is amazing! I am definitly going to have to come visit again and experience this first hand! : ) Jessa, you are still in my prayers! Kells...I saw your wedding pics on facebook and they were beyond gorgeous! I hope you and Chip are doing fantastic and loving all of the new challenges you are getting to face together.

As for me...these past several months have been a doozy!!! Paul and I are still seperated and I am still trying to come to terms on a life without him. We are still going to marriage counseling and spending time together, but no decisions have been made. I decided from the very beginning that we had to give it until at least December before we made a decision either way, but I am thinking that we are still going to need more time. The good news is that we know we love each other and that we want this to work, but there are alot of barriers to overcome before we can truly be happy together. In the past few weeks, I have starting growing very weary of the situation and questioning how much longer I can go through this. The Lord as always is very faithful and allowed us to have one of the best heart to hearts we have probably ever had. Since you all know what a wonderful communicator I am (and Paul is as lousy as me I can assure you) so this was truly a blessing for us to be able to sit down and open up the way we did. We are also crossing another bridge that we have both struggled with for a while now. Paul is going to the doctor to discuss his manic depressive behaviors. For the past several years, Paul has struggled a lot with depression even when he cannot identify one thing in his life that makes him feel that way. Since I am very hesitant to turn to medication, I have not encouraged him to take action despite the fact that his father, our counselor, and many other people have urged him to seek medical attention. Lately, his roller coaster of emotions have gotten worse and after a lot of hesitation we are finally willing to consider that there truly may be a chemical imbalance that he is dealing with. Not that we see this as a cure to our situation, but at least now we feel like we are taking one more step in trying to work through our issues. I will keep you all posted on where we go from here. In the meantime, I am looking for jobs and still trying to get plans together for moving back towards home so that my life doesn't completely fall apart if all of this doesn't work out the way I want it to. Please continue praying us!!! I know that the Lords' will has a way of prevailing in the end and that is what is keeping me going right now. I love, love, love you girls and I am so looking forward to our weekend together!